Grappen over de beurs

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Lid geworden op: 04/22/2012 - 17:04
Grappen over de beurs

Einstein enters a university for his first day of work.

The doorman leads him to the staff room and Albert is introduced to the others professors. “Here is your first colleague, he has an IQ of 180!”
“Why that’s wonderful!” Says Albert. “We can discuss mathematics and physics!”

Just then another man moves out to shake Albert’s hand. “I also lecture here and I’m sorry, but my IQ is only 80.”
Albert smiles back at him and says, “So, where do you think interest rates are heading?

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Lid geworden op: 04/22/2012 - 17:04
TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM
* You have 2 cows.
* You sell 1 and buy a bull.
* Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.
* You sell them and retire on the income.

AMERICAN CAPITALISM
* You have 2 cows.
* You sell 3 of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all 4 cows back, with a tax exemption for 5 cows. The milk rights of the 6 cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all 7 cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns 8 cows, with an option on 1 more. Sell 1 cow to buy influence with a new president of the United States, leaving you with 9 cows. No balance sheet provided with the release. The public buys your bull.

FRENCH CAPITALISM
* You have 2 cows.
* You go on strike because you want 3 cows.

JAPANESE CAPITALISM
* You have 2 cows.
* You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce 20 times the milk.
* You then create clever cow cartoon images called Cowkimon and market them worldwide.

GERMAN CAPITALISM
* You have 2 cows.
* You reengineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.

BRITISH CAPITALISM
* You have 2 cows.
* Both are mad.

ITALIAN CAPITALISM
* You have 2 cows, but you don’t know where they are.
* You break for lunch.

SWISS CAPITALISM
* You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you.
* You charge others for storing them.

CHINESE CAPITALISM
* You have 2 cows.
* You have 300 people milking them.
* You claim full employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported the numbers.

NEW ZEALAND CAPITALISM
* You have 2 cows.
* That one on the left is kinda cute…

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Lid geworden op: 04/22/2012 - 17:04
An investment banker stood at

An investment banker stood at the pier of a small coastal village when a small boat with one fisherman docked. Inside the boat were several large yellow fin tuna. The banker complimented the fisherman on his catch and asked how long it took to catch them.

The fisherman replied, “Only a little while.”

The banker then asked why didn’t he stay out longer and catch more fish.

The fisherman said he had enough to support his family’s needs.

The banker then asked, “But what do you do with the rest of your time?”

The fisherman said, “I sleep late, play with my children, take siestas with my wife, stroll into the village each evening where I sip wine and play guitar with my amigos. I have a full life.”

The investor scoffed, “I am a Business MBA and I could help you. You should spend more time fishing and with the proceeds, buy a bigger boat. With the proceeds from the bigger boat, you could buy several boats, and eventually you would have a fleet of fishing boats. Instead of selling your catch to a middleman you would then sell directly to the processor, eventually opening your own cannery. You would control the product, processing, and distribution! You would need to move to the capital city. “Then the best part. When the time is right you would announce an IPO and sell your company stock to the public and become very rich. You would make millions!”

The fisherman asked, “But how long will this all take?”

To which the banker replied, “Perhaps 20 to 25 years.”

Okay, then what?” wondered the fisherman.

“Then you would retire. You could move to a small coastal village where you would sleep late, go fishing, play with your kids, take siestas with your wife, and stroll to the village in the evenings where you could sip wine and play guitar with your amigos.”

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Lid geworden op: 04/22/2012 - 17:04
From a trader after a market

From a trader after a market crash: “This is worse than a divorce. I’ve lost half my net worth and I still have a wife.”

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Lid geworden op: 04/22/2012 - 17:04
(Geen onderwerp)

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Lid geworden op: 04/22/2012 - 17:04
Geld lijkt op vet. Van beide

Geld lijkt op vet. Van beide is er genoeg, maar altijd op de verkeerde plaatsen.

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Lid geworden op: 04/22/2012 - 17:04
De 10 geboden van elke ACW-topman.

1.Bovenal bemin het Geld.
2.Liefst in 't duister, zwart geteld.
3.Laat als topman nooit niet merken
4.Dat de mensen voor U werken.
5.Help Uw Vakbond met Uw hart.
6.Daar betaalt men ook in 't zwart.
7.Bij de kiezing, leer bedriegen.
8.Zeg dan dat de and'ren liegen
9.Heb je geld teveel in d'handen
10. Kom naar mij, ik kan 't verpanden.

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Lid geworden op: 04/22/2012 - 17:04
There's a surgeon, an

There's a surgeon, an architect and an economist. The surgeon said, 'Look, we're the most important. God's a surgeon because the very first thing God did was to extract Eve from Adam's rib.' The architect said, 'No, wait a minute, God is an architect. God made the world in seven days out of chaos.' The economist smiled, 'And who made the chaos?'

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Lid geworden op: 04/22/2012 - 17:04
October. This is one of the

October. This is one of the peculiarly dangerous months to speculate in stocks in. The others are July, January, September, April, November, May, March, June, December, August and February.

anntony1
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Lid geworden op: 04/24/2016 - 10:53
A financial adviser is an expert!

He will know tomorrow why the things he predicted yesterday didn’t happen today.

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